Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Do You Ever Wish You Could Push "Undo" On Your Day?

Today started out really good.  I was in a great mood after a full night's sleep.  Jerry was in a good mood and he didn't hurt anywhere.  I woke up earlier than usual and joined Jerry in the den where he was listening to his favorite Praise and Worship music and praying as he often does in the morning.  He asked me to come pray with him.  It was wonderful.

Not long after, we got in an argument over the laundry.  He was trying to do it himself, and I was insisting that I would do it as it was my job anyway, and he had other things to tend to.  He ignored me and kept on doing it so I had a fit and insisted he let me do it.  It was only a few of his colored t-shirts, but he wanted them washed.

 I had told Jerry I wanted to go to Braum's and get a bacon and egg biscuit which is something I do occasionally since Braum's is right around the corner.  But we got in the argument over the laundry, and I decided to just make a piece of toast. He came in the kitchen and asked why I wasn't going to Braum's.  I told him I changed my mind.  THEN, I couldn't believe what he said next.

"I wanted you to get me a Big Country Breakfast at Braum's."

HUH?  He hasn't been able to eat since last Friday.  Everything hurts his stomach.  He did eat the chicken noodle soup and bread our friends brought over Sunday night, and it didn't hurt, so he has been eating a bit more.  But certainly not a HUGE breakfast.  I told him if he wanted a big breakfast, I would fix it for him.  I cooked some bacon, scrambled eggs and made two pieces of toast with jam.  He ate ALL OF IT!  No problem with a tummy ache or anything.  He was just like always.  Ate and went to work at his desk.

I left to go visit Mom at the Hospice Home where she wasn't doing very well.  There was a male nurse on duty who had the personality of Godzilla.  I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, he was not very nice or patient with Mom.  I wanted to slug him -- really.  After another pain injection putting Mom back to sleep, I left to drive the short distance across the parking lot to meet Phylly at Panera Bread for lunch.  We had a nice visit.  She returned to work, and I returned home.

A few hours later, Jerry got a call from Aunt Betty Jane about something, and during the conversation he found out that someone had gone into Mom's house with her the other day and had used the toilet.  Jerry and I always turn off the water with the big black tool that you stick down in the hole where the water meter is.  We don't have to worry about a leak that way.  Jerry and I decided we better take the hour drive to Kingfisher and correct that situation.  The house is on the market and is shown, so I didn't want a dirty toilet in the house.  We were going to stop by and stay with Mom at the Hospice House for a while on our way back into town, but the craziest thing happened.

All of a sudden, Jerry complained that his stomach was upset and he didn't feel good enough to visit Mom.  He said he needed to get home.  I went ahead and fixed supper, and he ate a little.  He was okay the rest of the evening EXCEPT for one weird thing that we keep fussing over.

The thermostat.

It was warm outside today.  A beautiful fall day.  Not even sweater weather.  I had on a very light weight knit v-neck top.  Jerry was wearing a heavy dark blue t-shirt with a long sleeve pull-over knit shirt on top of it.  I would have been burning up in that, but he wore it all day long.  Not only that, he kept changing the thermostat from "cool" to "heat".

I'll have rivers of sweat flowing back and forth under my boobs and down my sides, and I'll go check the thermostat.  Sure enough, he has it on heat.  I will holler that it is HOT outside and we don't need the heater on, and I will put it back on "cool" and 72.

A little while later, I'll have rivers running -- my bra is flying across the room -- and we go through the same thermostat argument for the thousandth time.

I don't know if this is just a ""growing old" syndrome, or it has something to do with his spleen condition.

Another weird thing is that every time I wake up -- and that is IF I go to sleep at all -- he will have all the covers pushed off himself in our bed.  He sleeps with no t-shirt or top on, so how come he isn't freezing???

This does NOT compute!

It is now 11:00 at night.

I WAS going to bed at 10:00 when I discovered the heater had been on all evening and that was why my bra was thrown off, and I had been mopping up puddles under my boobs.  It was 75 degrees in here, and Jerry said he was cold.  We argued.  He got in bed.  I went and got a heavy blanket and put it on top of all the covers already on him.  He told me to get it off of him.  I told him he was going to be too cold because the AC was back on.  He said he wasn't cold at all and to get it off.


Now, I am sitting here "talking" to you and feeling horrible that I got mad at him.  It has been 5 days since we were at ER, and we are getting so stressed waiting for something to happen.  Both of us are tense and on edge while trying so hard to be positive and NOT be that way.

We finally see a doctor tomorrow at 3:00.  I pray he is the RIGHT doctor and things will proceed quickly and smoothly.  Jerry's Mom can't make it much longer.  She hasn't eaten since last Wednesday, and she hasn't had any liquids since Monday when they took her off the IV.  She just sleeps all the time.

Jeannie and Aunt Betty Jane got the funeral arrangements started.  Jerry and I talked to the director today and made a few changes.  All of that is going well.  It is just so unbelievable that Jerry's Mom is dying at the exact same time as these health issues have come up with his own body.

I MUST be more patient.  I suppose if he has to have the heater on, I should be glad it is only 75 in here and not 85.  I hear cold weather is coming, and I am praying it won't be on the day we have the funeral for Nida.  The weather has been so nice this week.  If I was to lose him, I would gladly sit in 100 degree heat to have him back again!  I WILL be more patient!

Guess I better go join him.  He could be sleeping at a hospital soon.  I feel so bad for fussing with him over laundry and the thermostat.  Considering all we are going through, those things are so insignificant.  God, please forgive me.

Hugs, Joy


  1. Sweet sweet Joy..I am so sorry. You are going thru trials. This only bothers you because crabby is so foreign to your natural state. God know where your heart is and he knows how much you love Jerry so don't feel guilty for having a human reaction. We can love em and still not like em @ the moment. Praying for you and Jerry and praying for a gentle transition for Nida . Bear Hugs, the other Joy

  2. Thank you so much, Joy. We are all huggy-missy again this morning, and all is well. Jerry is telling me God is healing him, and he won't have to have his spleen out. I told him that was awesome, but let's get confirmation from the doctor. He agreed.
    Hugs, Joy

  3. I just caught up on your blog posts and I cant stop thinking of you. You know that your 'insignificant' fussing is just your tension edging out....for both of you. Completely normal and understandable. There is a lot on your plate now, be kind to yourself. Hugs and prayers to you, Jerry and Mom.


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Hugs, Joy