Sunday, July 12, 2015

Can I Ask You Something?

I want to ask your honest opinion about something.  It has to do with my personality and people's opinion of it.  As I have hinted to, it has to do with children, and what I consider as me trying to protect them.  Let me give you a couple of "for instances".

Here is instance #1:

One day, Jerry and I were driving out of our neighborhood.  We passed a house that is a little ways from our house.  It did not have a fence at that time, and there was one of those giant trampolines in the back yard.  I noticed a young little girl (under 6) jumping up and down on it, and I didn't see anyone else around.  I couldn't see the whole trampoline, so someone else might have been there.  The trampoline did NOT have any protective sides on it -- just the flat trampoline part.

I IMMEDIATELY thought of the paraplegic young woman that Jerry had been treating.  She was paralized from the neck down.  HOW did she get that way?  She had fallen off a trampoline and broken her neck when she was a child.

I told Jerry to STOP THE CAR.  He said, "Why?"  I said I need to go find that little girl's mother and tell her how dangerous it is to let that little girl jump on that giant trampoline without protective side curtains!"

Jerry said, "You need to mind your own business!!!", and he kept on driving.

Here is instance #2:

Today we were at a restaurant being waited on by a lady with only one arm.  Her other arm was gone below the elbow.  I asked her about her arm and told her I was amazed she could wait tables.  She told Jerry and me about how she also teaches special needs children.  She said there was a little boy in her class that had only one arm and one leg.  He was only 6 years old.  I asked her what had happened.

She told me that when the child was only 18 months old, his mother was mowing the lawn on a riding mower with him in her lap.  She dropped him, and she ran over him with the mower, cutting off his arm and his leg!

I GUARANTEE YOU if I had seen that happening, I wouldn't care WHAT Jerry or anybody else said to me, I would have run over to that woman, and I would have BEGGED her to PLEASE get that baby off that mower!

Here is my question:

Does my wanting to protect those children -- to the point of bringing it up to the parent(s) -- make me pious and self-righteous?

I can promise you that if YOU came up to me and told me that something I was doing could harm my children, I would LISTEN TO YOU.  I actually did it when my daughter was young.  A teacher at her Day Care when she was 3 years old came out to the parking lot to talk to me one evening after I had picked Tammy up.

Tammy had not been there very long, and she didn't like it.  She had stayed with my Mother prior to that.  When she saw me coming every evening, she would start crying.  She would RUN to me, and I would RUN to her and grab her up in my arms and hug and kiss her.

The teacher explained to me that I was REINFORCING her behavior and her feeling that she was being deserted and tortured every day.  She told me that I needed to just walk up to her -- take her by the hand very calmly -- and walk out to the car.

I THANKED the lady for her advice.  I did NOT rebuke her or tell her it was none of her business.  I did exactly what she asked me to do, and Tammy changed her behaviour immediately as well.  She was right!

I was NOT the type to defend my children's bad behaviour either.  If a neighbor complained that my child had done something wrong, and I found out they were right about it, I made my children apologize or fix whatever it was.  My daughter broke into a neighbor's little lawnmower shed one time with a neighborhood boy.  We made her completely clean out that shed and APOLOGIZE to the parents, and we offered to pay for any damage.  As I recall, the other kid's parents did nothing.

I have a new NON-wadder blouse to show you.  Jerry doesn't like it.  I may wear it once or twice anyway.  I'll come back tomorrow and show it to you because it doesn't really go with my questionnaire today, lol.

Hugs, Joy


  1. Yes and No. It all depends. You are a caring person. If you call out as a concern individual, you may or may not get a positive response.Going at someone's door may be dangerous to your health. I.e. guns, trespassing. I am a RN, I cannot tell people to change their behavior to improve their health. I can only suggest or offer suggestions. You could make a call to child protective services so they may send someone to check on the child welfare.
    By the way, kudos to you for listen to your daughter's teacher

    Thanks for sharing

  2. I understand how you feel Joy. But you should only say or do something if you are really sure. I was at a WalMart Saturday and I was looking at sunglasses which is next to the jewelry counter. I heard a baby screeching and crying. It was a tiny little thing. My son said they were probably getting the baby's ears pierced. I was so mad ! It was so difficult not to say something. But it was not my baby and I guess some people are OK with doing this. I just couldn't do that to such a tiny baby. God gives us choices to make and He lets us learn through mistakes. We can only pray sometimes.
    Oh the paper tape dress form I was going to make with the paper tape you wet with a sponge because the glue is already on the tape, it was awful looking. I am going to try one more time. I learned you really have to stand up straight.

  3. I have a friend who tries to right things she sees as wrong, especially when it comes to little children. This doesn't always endear her to the parents, but I've never seen one scream at my friend. I think you have such a personality that you could "get away" with talking to the parents. They would be able to see the helpfulness on your face. I don't think it's interfering if there is a chance of the child's being hurt or killed. Calling Child Protective Services is kind of a stretch. In California, at least, if they come out, the family is in their sights forever. The parents may have been certain that their child was in the house, not outside, so you could be doing them a service. How would you feel if you saw "a wrong", did nothing, and read in the paper the next day that a child was seriously injured and it could have been prevented? I think you may have to play by ear each situation.

  4. You should ask your husband. He seems like a nice caring man AND he knows you better then any of us. You should listen to his advise.

  5. i agree with Josie above... yes and No. You care very much for people but that doesn't mean everyone will accept what you say. However, I also believe that you take those knocks if it prevents a possible tragedy. Even if someone gets upset with at the moment for "interfering" they might agree with you after they have had time to reconsider. I don't think it's necessary to report the parents to child protective services unless as in scenario #1. Unless maybe that child is always basically on their own. Anyway, keep doing what you do.

  6. I wouldn't call CPS unless the child was being obviously abused or neglected. As a mother of 5 grown children who let her children do all kinds of things (under supervision), ride horses, jump on trampolines, ride 4-wheelers, etc., I would have to say to mind your own business. The only thing that bothers me is when parents let their kids get out of their sight in public, or a little kid is following along behind mom at the mall and she's paying absolutely no attention to the child, she's in her own little world. I lived very near where Amber Hagerman was abducted and murdered ("Amber Alert") so this is the parenting thing that pisses me off. Watch your freaking kids, people!

  7. Oh Joy this is such a tricky subject. Some parents would welcome your advise, some not so much. I don't have an answer. Do I think you are pious or self just trying to be helpful

  8. What one person thinks is dangerous, another doesn't. It is a very tricky life. My advise is to ask your hubby when a situation like that arises again. He seems to have a good sense of the middle of the road 'advice needers'. God has given us all the free will to choose to do life the way we want to (even those who- in our opinion - are doing it wrongly, or choose wrongly). I am quite like you and want to help them, but for the most part they don't welcome our desire the help/guidance. I do wish you the very best!

  9. Joy, I have to agree with Jerry on this one. You are assuming that this child is being neglected. Since you don't know what is going on at this home you can't step in and imply that they are not taking good care of their child. What if the mother just got a phone call and received bad news are just got back from a doctor's appointment and is so sick that she had to lay down for a minute. When I see things like this I reason that it is the Holy Spirit prompting me to pray for this family, for their salvation, their peace, their protection, and for strength. Your heart is in the right place, you just don't have all the facts. Jane

  10. I realize what I said yesterday was not very clear. I must agree with most of these responders. It is very tricky. Prayer might help.


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Hugs, Joy