Wednesday, August 20, 2014

How To Make A Helmet and How To Properly Dismount a Truck Seat

Don't you LOVE IT when you learn something new?

I know I do.

Today's post is rich with good tips I know you will want to always remember.

Here is Tip #1:

Say you have a really HUGE dying tree in your backyard.  You are a 68-year old woman named Margaret with a husband who won't ever step outside to help you.  For SOME reason, you have lots of money to take vacations, but you don't have money for paying a professional to remove dead trees.  Your neighbor complains that your dead tree is falling on his fence and breaking it, and you realize that you have to do SOMETHING.

You already HAVE an electric chain saw because you have been picking up broken limbs all over the yard for years and burning them in your little fire pit.

Your back patio is COVERED with them because you are gone on vacation a lot and don't really have time to cut them up and burn them.

You already HAVE a ladder.

You decide you can climb up the tree and use your chainsaw to cut the HUGE branches down -- and you ASSUME the branches will magically fall into YOUR yard even though they are hanging over the neighbor's yard.

The ONLY thing you don't have is a helmet, and you think you should probably have one for "just in case".

Now PAY ATTENTION, dear reader, because I'm going to tell you what to do.

You go in your kitchen and you find a hard plastic lime green collander.

Then you go in your bathroom, and you take the thick rug toilet seat cover off the toilet seat.

Then you go into your bedroom closet and you find a bright pink scarf.

Are you starting to figure it out???

You put the toilet seat rug INTO the lime green collander.  Then you poke the bright pink scarf points down into the holes in the collander so you can tie the "helmet" under your chin so it won't fall off when a giant limb falls and hits you in the head.

And you think I am making this up, don't you?????????????????

Fortunately, Margaret actually ASKED me to take her picture.

Check it out:

When Jerry and I got home from the restaurant last night, we found Margaret up in the tree all by herself cutting the giant branch with her electric chainsaw.  I could NOT believe my eyes.  We had already told her we would help her when we got home from dinner, but she wanted to do it before we got home.  If we had not gotten there when we did, there is no telling what could have happened.  Look at the circle around the two deep cuts she had already made.

Jerry is rushing to put his new saw together as fast as he can.  He is BEGGING Margaret to get down out of the tree.  LOOK AT OUR FENCE!  It is barely standing as it is.  We are here at this house right now waiting for the fence company to put a new one in, but they won't be here for another week.

Jerry worked and worked until he was exhausted.  He finally told Margaret she was going to HAVE to get the tree guy to come out and do it, or our fence would be completely obliterated.

I called the tree guy, Brian, first thing this morning.  He was here in a few hours to look at it.  He gave Margaret an extremely good price -- only $350.00 -- to cut it down and leave the branches in her yard -- at her request.  I told Margaret I would pay for it myself if she didn't have the money.  She said, "Oh, no, I can pay for it with my credit card."  Thank Goodness!  That near-catastrophe is over.

Now, here is Tip #2:

I SUPPOSE it is possible that all of my readers already know this tip, but just in case, it is of the utmost importance that I tell it to you.

You know Jerry has a new truck.

We got in the new truck this morning to go to the dentist where we both had an appointment at 9:00.  We drove back into our driveway about 11:00.  Jerry always wants me to get out of the truck in the driveway because it is a very tight squeeze once inside the garage.

I am still in my seat on the passenger side.  I open the door and Jerry says, "Joy, I need to tell you something, and I hope you will understand."

I say, "Okay, what is it?"

He says, "You notice that top-stitching on the edge of the seat?"

"Yes", I say.

He says, "Well, if you keep on sliding your butt off that seat, it is going to wear the top-stitching down.  I have seen this happen in other people's cars."

"Oh, really?", says me.

"Yes!  What I need you to do is grab hold of the handle above the door and LIFT YOUR BUTT UP before you slide over that top-stitching."


I just cracked up at him because it is SO LIKE HIM!  And people think I AM THE PICKY ONE in this duo.  I proceeded to grab the handle and hike my butt up in the air and step out onto the driveway.  I then told him to sit still while I grabbed my cell phone and snapped this picture.

Jerry is like this whenever something is new.

When the girls were little, we bought new couches for our living room.  They had bullet-proof velvet of some sort on them.  The salesman poked an ink pen through a sample to show us you couldn't tear the fabric, and it had some kind of stain preventative on it.

NEVERTHELESS, when we got the couches home, my husband informed the girls that they were to be sure to have their SKIN COVERED UP before lying or sitting on the couches so their body oil wouldn't rub off on the new couch fabric.

My daughter, Tammy, came over this afternoon, and I was telling her about Jerry and the top-stitching. She said, "OMG!  Remember when we got those couches and Dad wouldn't let us get our skin on them?!"

We laughed and laughed.

Amazingly, Brian, the tree cutter downer guy came this afternoon and cut the tree down.  Margaret wanted it all left in her yard so she can clean it up herself.  You won't believe the mess.

Here is what is left of our fence, and this means we can't leave Jackie out in the yard alone.

 And here is Margaret's back yard now.

At least, she won't be climbing that tree anymore!

Anyway, I am happy to share these two awesome, useful tips with you today.  I have to go though.  Jackie wants out and I'm not leaving her alone.

Hugs, Joy


  1. I KNEW IT ! I JUST KNEW YOU WOULD POST SOMETHING THAT WOULD MAKE ME LAUGH TODAY WHEN I WAS REALLY NEEDING IT. I had a Dr. appointment today in OKC and I told myself that I would go there and then just scoot on over to the Bernina store and try to find some inspiration. They always have cute things made up in the store that sometimes makes me want to rush right home and make one. Well after sitting for 2 1/2 hrs in there for a 6 min. visit with the DR. I didn't feel like even driving home much less shopping. I went ahead and went to the store and of course there is this one woman who works there that is always trying to sell me a new machine. So I just let her do her thing for awhile and bought some elastic and left. So thanks Joy and Margaret for ending my day with a smile on my face.

  2. Joy, I have been reading your blog for a couple months now and I enjoy it so much. Thank you for being an inspiration to us all. Faye

  3. Oh no! No, no! No! This will simply not work. I can't be your friend anymore. Well, at least I can't come to your house or ride in your car and I don't even think I can breathe anywhere near Jerry's truck. You see, I have this strange belief that "things" are made to be used. I didn't say "abused" I said "used." As you use things, they do begin to look a bit different; I think of them as being broken in rather than broken down. Enjoyed, rather than being protected and hidden away so they can't be enjoyed. I'm so glad you are telling me this before I tried to climb into the back seat of Jerry's truck and scooted my rear across the topstitching and cording. Has he thought about that when you are climbing in you scoot your rear across the topstitching the opposite way? Wouldn't that fluff it back up? If I do that and then I lift my butt up and over to get out (I would probably fall out since trucks are so tall.) so I don't flatten the topstitching/cording out wouldn't that then cause the toptstitching/cording to be bent inward instead of standing straight. I'm just saying if doing one flattens it out, then wouldn't doing the other scrunch it up? Don't you need to do both to even it out? I think I am now past being embarrassed by having brushed lint off my pants onto your carpet. Now I'm afraid to sit down. I definitely can't spend the night anymore. I might not lie down on the mattress right and ruin the cording on the edge.
    You can ride in my car anytime, and please scoot your butt across the topstitching going in and coming out, since I would definitely prefer it be evenly fluffed and scrunched. ROFLOL LOL ROF ROFLOL I love it, love it, love it!

    Now I know what the handle is for; it is not for hanging onto when someone takes the corner too fast. No; it is for hanging on to so you can lift your butt up and over the topstitching/cording. But what will Jerrry say when the handle pulls out from using it to lift your butt up and over the topstitching/cording? More ROFLOL

    Hugs, Phylly

  4. Well, if I had not seen the pictures, I NEVER would have believed the story. I have to give her points for innovation, but, well, we'll just leave it at me being dumbfounded. Fun story though ;)

  5. Hilarious! One question- is Jerry using the handle on his side to get out so he won't ruin that precious stitching? Good grief, you've earned the RIGHT to wear down that stitching. Go for it. LOL
    Nancy Jo

    1. LOL Nancy Jo,
      Oh, Yes, Jerry does it too. The hardest part is getting IN the truck without touching the seat. Getting out is much easier.
      Hugs, Joy


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Hugs, Joy