Friday, February 3, 2017

Dementia is So Cruel

Since you are my friends, and I tell you everything; may I tell you about the cruelty of Dementia?

My Mom lives with us now, and I am so happy to have her here.  Really, I am.  When she isn't having Sundowner Syndrome, and she is almost herself, it is a pleasure to be with her.  Everyone who comes here likes her.  Friends from her past drive a long way to visit her.  They just sit with her for hours even though she can't really communicate with them.

A few nights ago, Jerry and I decided to take her off the nighttime tranquilizer because it makes her as weak as a kitten, and she falls easily.

Sure enough.  Two nights without "the pill" and she can walk without help.  We have been so excited because she has been so "normal" yesterday and today during the day.  Very much stronger in her legs and in her arms.  The last two nights weren't bad either.  The Nurse's Aide noticed and our Mom-sitter noticed Mom was much better.


Tonight got here and Sundowners returned with a vengeance.

She loses her temper due to the frustration in her brain.  She grabs things she isn't supposed to have such as the controllers to the TV and bed in our bedroom.  She was supposed to be watching the TV in her room, but she got mixed up between her computer and her TV.  She was pushing the on/off button on the CPU to change the channel on her TV.

She moves furniture around. She takes her clothes off or gets tangled up in them.   She gets very mad and starts swinging if we tell her she can't have something.  She tried to hit me.

It is so, so, so sad.  She doesn't understand, and we feel so mean.  We just had to go get "the pill" and give it to her.  It took two of us to stop her tantrum and get her to take the pill.  I told her we would have to take her to the hospital if she didn't take the pill.  She HATES the hospital, so that worked.

Honestly, I do not know WHAT we would do if we couldn't calm her down.

She asked me if I would come pray that this would go away from her.  Of course, Jerry and I will go in and pray for her.  Hopefully, she will be able to go to sleep.  We are waiting until 10:00 because she thinks she can't go to bed before then.

I guess I should explain that she WANTS to be in her own room watching her own TV.  Jerry always watches Thunder basketball, and she isn't at all interested in that or anything else we watch.  She only watches MASH or TBN.  We have to take the TV controller out of her room because she insists on pushing the buttons on it, and she has no idea what she is doing.  She makes the TV freeze, and she starts hollering for us.

Please pray with us for God to give us wisdom and patience to take care of her.  I pray every day that God takes her home where she will have a brand new mind that she can never get lost in again.

Be back soon.

Hugs, Joy


  1. I was watching one of your older videos as I just discovered your videos about a week ago and then your blog. Long story short you have provided me with a blessing and I had to share. Some day maybe I can share full story but for talked about the movies War Room. I decided to watch it even though I started late. It was a God send!
    Thank You and God Bless You and your family!
    Debbie in Virginia

  2. Joy, I understand what you are going through. My Mom is 97 and she also has dementia, Most of the time she doesn't know who I am or the other times I'm her sister. She gets very upset with the phone and blames AT&T except she doesn't have AT&T. That must drive them crazy when she calls them. It is very difficult to see our parents this way. But know that it is not forever.
    Btw, I love your blue top from the other day. So cute on you. Take care.

  3. Joy my heart goes out to you. The stories of my Mum's dementia would scare the living daylights out of you. The endless getting dressed with maybe 4 knickers, 3 bra, 5 nightdresses: all on at once. The list goes on and on. We kept her at her home as long as we could with the help of a nurse who visited 4 times a day . I was working and my husband was retired. He went 4 times a day also(she lived very close) so rarely was she alone this went on for 4 years or so as the dementia took hold. Then she fell was admitted to hospital and from there to a care home. I was lucky we never had tantrums or violence but the repetition of actions was very wearing. When she was in the hospital I visited one day and she asked if her Mum was still alive, when I said no she cried. That was virtually the last time she spoke really. She died 3 years later. You will get through it, I promise

  4. This is truly a very cruel disease, one that is taking my own mother away. It is especially painful that she 'knows' her memory is faulty and is frustrated by not being able to remember events or people. She still does recognize me, my husband and her grandson and my sister's husband. There's more to this story, but not here, not now. She used to love to read, but can't remember where she left off so she reads the same pages. Fortunately, we have our faith and wonderful support from friends, church family and 'blood' family. Our prayers include you and your family--we know your pain and pray for God's mercy in this for all of us. Rosemarie from Boston/Winthrop MA

  5. Life is not easy!

  6. My heart sincerely goes out to you during this time. My grandmother lived to age 95 and was first
    diagnosed with dementia, then finally Alzheimer's. That was a bit over 10 years ago. She passed away
    about 4 years after diagnosis. She had a very successful life as a commercial real estate broker. Needless to say, she was a very intelligent woman all of her previous life and dementia robs the person of the former
    self they once were.
    She had tantrums, outrage, violent outbursts. Also she would wake up in the middle of the night and walk
    around the house opening cabinets and taking things out. One night she woke up to put baby powder on herself which was comet cleanser and had to be bathed at 3 o'clock in the morning. Finally, after reaching the point of not being able to care for her in what amounted to 24 hour care, my mother placed her in a care giving /assisted living home. Praying for you and hoping the days will improve until she is called home.

  7. Oh, Joy Joy, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. My mom just wanted to go drive somewhere. She only got angry when we prevented her from getting in the car and driving around town all night long. It is so hard to watch your mother deteriorate like this. I continue to prayer for you and Jerry and your mother. Trust that God will take care of the situation. Please, please take care of yourself! You need your own time to relax and de-stress. Sending Hugs and Prayers, Phylly

  8. Dementia is a terrible, terrible disease for sure. I brought my mom to live with us and each night-time she didn't know me. She would ask who the old guy was in the other room. She would watch the same programs and movies over and over. I found with my mother, sometimes a distraction would work, large beads and a shoelace to string them on; a zipper to zip; a soft furry animal or blanket to soothe; a baby doll to cuddle!....try giving her a remote with no batteries in it!...and maybe only half of the pill?...or a different one? I found I sometimes had to lie to Mom. I know...not nice, but sometimes it was kinder to lie than say something that would upset her. You will get through this Joy. HUGS

  9. Oh Joy, I have been through the dementia with both parents. It is really sad when you see people who you once thought were invincible become a whisper of themselves. I won't bore you with the details, but I just want you to know that you belong to the club which tries its best to give home care for demented parents, until they become a danger to themselves and to their relatives. It is heartbreaking, but when they do go to their final home, you will be rewarded by the look of love and peace in their faces. Somehow I know that they can feel they were loved and taken care of to the best of their children's capabilities. Will include you in my God Can, because you know what, God can!


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Hugs, Joy