Every day seems to present a new scenario when taking care of a parent with Dementia.
Today started out really good with what I thought was an honest, loving conversation with a family member about my Mom. Turned out to be a hurricane of nasty words directed at me and at Jerry. It really hurt and it was supposed to, of course.
Usually, I can dismiss the callousness of some people and enjoy the fact they aren't in my life, BUT since my Mother is on hospice and may not have long to live, I am trying to make allowances. I will not, however, be cursed at and called names over portions of an estate that doesn't even exist yet. My Mother is still very much alive and her belongings are HERS. Such dysfunction!
As my sweet friend, Princess Di, reminded me: Leopards don't change their spots! I was a fool to believe things had changed.
My focus right now is my Mother. She is so fragile. She sways back and forth from reality to numbness and the inability to even realize what room she is in.
Sometimes, she looks at me with so much love, it melts my heart like butter; and I feel I will completely cave in if she really does die.
Other times, she is so mad and harsh and impossible that I pray she doesn't last much longer.
Sometimes I look into her eyes and she isn't even there. That is when the tears just boil out of my eyes.
This experience is overwhelming, but I thank God every minute that He has trusted me with the responsibility of caring for her.
Mom is awake so much during the night, she wants to sleep all day. It was 75 degrees out today and beautiful. I told Mom we needed to go somewhere so she could WAKE UP. I took her to town where we picked up Jerry from our store. Then we drove across the street to Sonic for chicken sandwiches. Mom was in the back seat. Jerry and I were in the front. Mom's hands don't always work right, and after she had eaten about half of her sandwich, the innards all fell out into her lap. She was so upset with herself. I had put a towel in her lap -- just in case -- so it was fine. I felt so sorry for her though because she realizes her body isn't working right.
Last night, for the first time, she started hollering "Mamma, Maaama, Maaaaama!" Over and over. (Always before she has hollered my name over and over.) I got out of bed and rushed down the hall as fast as I could. She was asleep and still hollering. I finally woke her up. She said she hadn't been saying anything.
Again, an hour later, she started hollering "Bo, Bo, Boooooo!" I got up and rushed down the hall again. This time she was naked from the waist down, and she didn't know why. Her clothes and socks were strewn about. Her many blankets were all off of her. I asked her who "Bo" was. She said it was me. I helped her redress, tucked her in and kissed her on the forehead.
She went back to sleep.
I never leave her alone in the house even for a minute. Christy will come at 7:30 tomorrow morning to bathe and dress her. Karen will come at 9:00 and stay with Mom as long as needed so I can go to the grocery store and run some errands. Jerry is taking off work to come with me because it is a big job. He has been AMAZING!
Jerry is in a lot of pain due to a torn meniscus in his knee. Every step he takes hurts him. And I knoooow! WHY is he coming to help me buy groceries and run errands? He insists he can handle the pain and that walking is better than sitting.
He is having surgery on the 20th. I will have two people to take care of then. Jerry won't be hard. I think he has to have rehab and use crutches for awhile. He will still be able to work.
I am able to sew and quilt some. Terry is coming over Friday so we can spend some time together. Karen will be here four hours on Friday. She can stay longer if I need her to. She loves Mom, and Mom loves her. That is such a blessing for two people who met only weeks ago.
I made a new blouse for me and a new blouse for my Mom. Mom actually climbed up the 17 steps two times so she could "be with me" as I was working on them. She always says, "I want to be with you." I feel like I am HER Mom. I'll show you pics of us in our new tops when I feel she is up to posing.
Be back soon.