Friday, October 13, 2017

Hard Day at the Not-So-OK Corral

Hello my friends.  Hope your Friday the 13th was a nice one.  Mine was very nice with a heavy blow in the middle and then a lovely surprise.

Kind of like a roller coaster ride.

I left Kingston about 10:15 this morning with my Mom.  Had to put some gas in my very low tank and then wash my extremely dirty car, and then head to our Edmond home.  It was a happy, fun, relaxing ride with Mom.  She does so very well 95% of the time.  She was so sweet today, I enjoyed being with her very much.

We stopped half way for lunch at Braum's.  She had her usual children-size chicken nuggets and a tiny pack of fries.  She loved it, and there were no complaints.

As I was standing at the drink counter, a nice younger lady was standing there waiting next to me.  For SOME STRANGE REASON I mentioned to her that I had ordered my 89-year old Mom a child's meal.  She responded that she knew exactly what I was talking about, because her Mom and Dad always ordered the kid's meal too.  Her Dad had dementia and just recently passed away.  I told her that was a blessing as long as he was ready to go.  She said that he was a Christian, and he was very ready to go.

Isn't it fun how two complete strangers will strike up a conversation and have something very much in common?

We left and had a very pleasant ride for the next hour.  We arrived at our home, and I ushered Mom into the house.  THAT is when things got a bit bumpy.

My Mom was quite confused and wanted to know where her room was and where her bathroom was and where her toothbrush was and where her fingernail file was -- and I handed her one -- and she said, "NO! Not that one!" -- and she wanted to know where her clothes were going to be and how she was going to find them and where were her slippers, and on and on and on ........

I was very patient with her because I have learned to be patient and loving because SHE CAN'T HELP IT.  After about an hour, she started to settle in, and she unpacked all of her things and put them away in her dresser and bathroom drawers.

I had asked for a family member to come help me this afternoon for a few hours so I could have some time to run and get some groceries for this house.  I was given a very pleasant reply of, "Sure, I have the ENTIRE day free."

Turned out, my request was taken as a major imposition.

That was the "heavy blow" part of the ride.

I received a very nasty message about how awful my Mom is, and that I should not expect anyone to show up here to help me with her -- and if they do, I should be grateful -- even if they can't come when they told me they would be here, and even if they don't tell me that.

It is the HARDEST thing for me to understand.  WHY can't people be CONSIDERATE of each other?  Especially, a family member.  A nice call or text explaining that something came up and they will be arriving at whatever time -- or not -- would have been so acceptable and understandable.  She texted she couldn't come when I needed her, but "soon".  "Soon" means different things to different people.  My husband's "soon" could be three days!  I was just trying to get something done before a 4:00 appointment, and I had very little time to do it. 

So my heart was hurt and I felt like a complete failure -- AGAIN! -- and I decided that it is just me and my Mom against the world.  Boo hoo hoo.  Pity party time. 
 

BUT THEN...

Don't you just LOVE the "BUT THEN's"!

I was in and out from the car to the kitchen and the bedrooms 50 times bringing things in from the car.  Every time I came in, my Mom had a question about something.  She doesn't mean to be a pest, but sometimes, she just is.  Her brain doesn't fire right these days, and her memory doesn't exist.  She can't help it, and I tell myself that a thousand times a day.

"Be PATIENT, Joy, be PATIENT!"  There, but for the grace of God, go I!

So on one of my many trips to put something away, I heard something at the front door.  I thought, "Oh, No!  I hope Mom hasn't gone outside!"

I went to the front door to see, and there was a box on the front porch from the mailman.  My new internet friend, Shari Marie, had asked for my mailing address, so I figured it must be from her.  I quickly opened the door and scooped up the box.

Shari Marie had mentioned to me a few days ago that she was PRACTICING making frosted cookies for some affair coming up.  I jokingly (sort of) mentioned that I LOVE frosted cookies, and she could send the rejects to me.

WELL, guess what????

She really did send them!

HOWEVER, they are FAR from being rejects.  They look like they are from a fancy bakery.  I took a picture so you can see. 

The flower is NOT BROKEN.  I had already started nibbling on it before I thought to snap a photo.



So, of course, being a really good friend, I texted Shari Marie that she should definitely keep practicing because these disappeared way too fast, and to keep sending the rejects. 

Shari Marie also sent something she made for my new baby, Luke, but I haven't opened it.  I want Lauren to see how it was sent.  I am sure it is darling, and I will show you soon what it is.

The only other time I have ever gotten cookies in the mail was when my friend, Jolene, sent them to me after a surgical procedure I had done.  It is the MOST marvelous gift.  I froze the ones Jolene sent and took one out of the freezer "as needed" for medicinal purposes only.

I'll be back soon with news about the new Home Care Assistance company I have hired here in Edmond.  They are sending a lady named Noella to sit with Mom next week while I am away at the B-Sew Inn classes.  She is 20 something and has worked for this company three years.  I hope we love her like we love Dorine in Kingston.  I told Dorine this morning that I wished she could just come up here with us.  She said, "Maybe someday."

Bedtime here.

Hugs, Joy 

16 comments:

  1. Sheri HorbachewskiOctober 14, 2017 at 1:18 AM

    I know exactly what you are talking about Joy, my sister in law is a flake (no better word can I find to describe her) She would come to see her mom maybe once a year. Did absolutely nothing when she passed away to help with the house or funeral arrangements. So there seems to be one in every family and karma will show up on their doorstep one day I truly believe.

    Made me smile when you mentioned the kids meal, my mother in law loved her cheeseburger and small fries. They seem to like sweets more in their dementia world. She never ate sweets until then and she sure loved Tim Hortons Ice cap's with chocolate milk.

    What a sweet lady to send you cookies and a gift for the baby. I was going to ask for your address to send something for your mom but didn't know what you would think. So many people are scared these days because of this crazy world we live in.

    I hope you get that much needed break to preserve your sanity because you deserve it and need to so you can recharge as well. It is a very special thing how lucky your mom is that she has you for a daughter.

    Take care and as always I look forward to your video's and blogging!

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    1. Thank you, Sheri! I appreciate your comment. No break today or tomorrow, but Mom is happy and I can sew. All is well.
      Hugs, Joy

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  2. What a selfish b*tch your family member sounds! She has no clue what's involved in looking after someone with dementia, and why it's so important to be reliable. I hope Karma bites her on the backside one day.
    What a lovely friend Shari Marie is, loved the ic of your mum enjoying her cookie.

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    1. This person is usually excellent with my Mom. Guess she was having a really bad day herself. She should have just told me right away.
      Hugs, Joy

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  3. Joy,

    My mother is also in early stages of dementia at age 89. I found a book by a Christian doctor that is wonderful. Finding Grace in by John Dunlop

    Care givers are actually serving the Lord.

    Sandra (JoyfulExpressions.us)

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    1. I was going to go to Mardel -- a Christian bookstore -- today, but I'm not able to with no sitter. I will sure look for that book if I can go sometime next week. Thanks for the comment.
      Hugs, Joy

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    2. This book really answered a lot of questions for myself and family. I especially appreciated that it was written with a Biblical perspective.

      If Mardel doesn't have it, I'm sure they could order it for you. I purchased mine on Amazon so didn't need to go into town to purchase it.

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  4. What a sweet surprise! It's the little things that can really make your day. And I've been wondering about your mom as you change houses back and forth as she progresses in her journey. Be prepared for that very reaction maybe even as you head back "home". As you've learned, exact routines can be a saving grace for continuity in our lives but can also be a detriment when those routines change for folks like your mom. I remember you saying early on how nasty your mom could be at times and maybe your siblings haven't gotten past that stage with her yet as you have. They may not have the support system you have from your internet friends either that have dealt with this condition with their parents either. It's so tough on everyone and you are a true Christian and trooper! Are you able to set up her room in the same furniture placement in both houses? Rooms painted the same colors, same bedding, etc. Maybe buy two of everything so they look the same in both locations? Just a thought and it may ease her anxiety and distress. Good luck! ~Becky Thompson, LaVernia, TX

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    1. Her two rooms are very much alike with adjoining bathroom, bedding, chairs, TV, etc. She is all settled today.
      Hugs, Joy

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  5. What a wonderful "but then"! The cookies are adorable!

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  6. God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes allows our friends to become an angel :)

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  7. Meant to add, your mom is so very lovely.

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  8. Joy,
    I appreciate you more than you know. Your name fits you perfectly. You are a true joy. I'm happy you enjoyed the cookies. Next time I will put less bubble wrap and more cookies in the box. I was just afraid they would arrive in crumbs and pieces. Thank you for sharing the photos of your mom with her cookie. That made me smile. Did she ever eat it or just hold it? hehehe You have a strength that I admire, and such an enormous patience and understanding about your mom. She is so fortunate to have you for a daughter. You understand her moods and anxieties can change by the moment and that she is not in control of them. Bless you dear friend and hang in there and cherish the good moments with her. I think I told you my grandmother had Alzheimer and one afternoon, I stopped in to see her after a family member's funeral. I loved this person so very much and was devastated. I don't know why, but I felt impelled to go see my grandmother before going home. I had been crying all morning, grieving but had done my best to compose myself before going in to see grandma. We talked a bit together, oh how I loved her, she was a strong woman and always there for me. She knew who I was and asked me where I had been, and I answered honestly that I had been to a funeral. I could feel the tears screaming to get out again but I swallowed hard and held them back. Without a second to pause, grandma tells me in a brisk matter of fact manor "Well, these things happen. Can you make me a sandwich?" Initially I was shocked and admittedly hurt by her casual dismissal of my loss BUT, just as you do, I had to remind myself she was not her normal, loving and nurturing self. I leaned across and hugged her, my tears spilling from my eyes, then stood up and turned from her and proceeded to make her lunch. She never knew or understood how I was feeling that day. I love and miss her so much. She passed about a year and a half later. I know I will see her again and I like to believe when I do she will be her old self, free of the disease that crippled her mind, so we can love and laugh together again. Hang in there my friend, you are a blessing in your Mother's life even on the days she does not realize it. I hope today is a better day.
    ((((((((Hugs))))))))

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    1. As I eat the next to last Lady Bug cookie, I will say a quick HI. Thanks for your comment. It cheers me so much to know SOMEONE on this planet understands.
      Hugs, Joy

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  9. I'm from Australia and watch your vlogs. Always makes me laugh and my husband as well (which is amazing as he is called Grandpa Grumpy! Keep up the good work Karen

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  10. enjoyed you vlog - almost as good as opening my own quilt fabric packages. I am on a fabric diet - well trying hard to be LOL

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Hugs, Joy