My life has changed so much, I barely have time to BLOG these days. I'm trying to build a new wardrobe for Mom so she will have nice things to wear that are not 20 years old and way too big. Mom quit shopping for clothes many years ago. She weighs only 117 pounds, so she is little. She used to be a Size 14 in pants and wore Large tops. Hence, those are the sizes she still has in her closet.
For those who don't know, my Mom who has Dementia moved in with us on January 1st. She has done really well most of the time. Last night and today she seemed much more confused than usual. I am praying it is a temporary setback. I hate to see her decline. It will be hard.
Last night, she got out of bed about 10:30, came down the dark hallway into the kitchen, and she opened the freezer drawer. By that time I had jumped out of bed and joined her and asked her what she was doing. She said she had not had any dinner and she needed to make some.
My Mom does NOT cook at all. It would not be safe! I do all the cooking. I had cooked a nice dinner, and she had eaten well, including her Butter Pecan ice cream topped with Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream for dessert.
I explained all that to her and walked her back to her bedroom.
A little while ago Jerry and I were sitting on our bed watching a basketball game. Mom came into our room as she often does in the evenings. I asked her what she needed and motioned for her to come sit next to me on the bed. She told me she was VERY worried! She said she had looked and looked, and she could not find her Visa card.
I asked her why she needed her Visa card.
She said that she was going to be leaving tomorrow to get her hair done, and she was going to have to have that Visa card to pay the girl.
I explained to her all about how the girl comes HERE to WASH her hair -- not perm it, and that I would take her soon to get a permanent, but I would pay for it. I told her she didn't need to ever worry about money again. She asked about her house and WHO was going to clean it up. I pointed to myself.
She looked at me and said, "So you are going to take care of everything?"
I said, "Yes, Mom, you don't have to worry about anything anymore."
She gave me a huge hug and said she was going to her room.
I asked her if she remembered where her room was. She said, "Yes, it is right next to yours."
Her room is down the hall at the other end of the house. Sooooooooooooooo sad. Breaks my heart.
That is my life now. Caring for my Mom. We have a wonderful new lady to help us, so I now have two. The new lady is a Nurse, and unlike the first lady, she can stay full days for me. That means I can go to work once or twice a week. I really need to be there too. Jerry is home still recovering from knee surgery, so he hasn't been going to work.
Gotta go check on Mom. I go in several times before bedtime.
Here's my latest VLOG if you haven't already seen it.
Be back when I have something to show you.
Hugs, Joy
hi joy!
ReplyDeleteso happy you could take a few minutes to update on things going on with you. i pray for you, jerry and your mom daily.
thank you for sharing your life!
dee
It's so meaningful that you get to provide care for your mom in this very hard time of her life. It's time that you will never regret, even though it's very hard on you.
ReplyDeleteWhat I found worked with my mom is not to try to explain anything to her. She not only won't remember it, she doesn't understand it, either. All the neurons are firing, but none are receiving. :-)
If she wanted a credit card, I gave her an old one to hold. She'd set it down somewhere in a few minutes & I'd pick it up and save it for next time she wanted one. I had Monopoly money for when she wanted cash. I kept some in her wallet, too.
If she thought she was hungry, I kept little snack packs of healthy food around to offer her. Not nuts, because they were hard on her teeth. But other things like crackers or applesauce and a glass of milk.
The point was to never argue or try to explain away anything. Just go along with whatever she wanted.
If she wanted to drive, I'd tell her tomorrow, let's do this other thing right now. If she wanted to do laundry I'd give her some small things to wash by hand. She loved folding laundry. I kept a basket of goodwill clothes/towels that were just for her to fold. If she wanted to cook I would offer something that required no stove/microwave...like instant pudding or koolaid. I kept a huge basket of buttons for her to sort by color into muffin pans.
The last month or two of her life she finally let go of the idea that she had to worry about anything; she finally accepted that I would take care of it all. It was such a peaceful time for her...it was like she was finally out from under the burdens of life that she'd carried around for 80 years and was able to be free.
Sending you many good thoughts (and your mom, too).
Thank you so much Mel for all those tips. My Mom LOVES to fold clothes, and I always have her help me. Graham crackers and applesauce are her favorites. Don't think she is at the point to believe Monopoly money is real. She blinks in and out of right and wrong thinking. She hasn't forgotten her favorite ice cream. Butter Pecan with Strawberry Shortcake on top. She has it twice a day. I am learning that explanations are always forgotten. )-: She keeps asking the same questions, and I feel like I have to tell her something OR distract her to something else to fill her mind. I've made her 4x6 cards with names of her caretakers on them. I give her the card with the name of the lady/nurse/aide that is coming. She loves that she can look at the card.
DeleteLove the button suggestion. I just purchased a whole bunch of colored buttons. They are all mixed together in a box. She could certainly separate them into colors. I'll see how that goes.
Thanks again!
Hugs, Joy
Joy,
ReplyDeleteI understand oh so well what you are going through with your mom. My mother is in the early stages of dementia and has times of lucidity and says things like "what is wrong with me"? so sad.
Prayers for strength and wisdom in this new chapter of your life caring for your precious mother.
Sandra
You are in my thoughts and prayers Joy. I really appreciate your blog and your feelings. I hope you have someone to do for you what you are doing for your mother. It is the true commitment that you make that will give you peace and peace of mind later. God Bless and your husband,too. He must be a good man.
ReplyDeleteHi Joy: I have been following your blog probably from the beginning. You got me interested in SFD many years ago . . . . . and then quilting. Anyway, I was watching your latest vlog, and you know how YouTube puts thumnails along the right edge while you watch your video. . . . . I saw one of yours from Jan 2016. I thought I was familiar with all of your wonderful blouses and tops, but you were wearing the cutest pink top --- with a very low neckline --- over a deep pink knit top. It is very slimming! I would love to make that "overblouse". Can you tell me what pattern you used? I went back and checked out your early 2016 posts again hoping to find it, but to no avail. Thanks Joy. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Sounds like my StyleArc blouse. It is called The Demi Drape Top. Go to www.stylearc.com and search for it. Let me know if that is the one you are wanting.
DeleteHugs, Joy
I just found your Youtube Vlogs recently, probably because someone in a quilt group I followed posted a link. NICE Sewing area! I love your hints, tips and examples and understand what you are going through with your Mother's dementia. It was like a very long goodbye when dealing with dementia because we never knew when Dad would recognize us and for how long. At the end of the day he would want to go home so we would take a little drive into town and then come home. That seemed to help him reset most of the time. For a while he told us the same story continuously about every 15 minutes or hour but as it progressed he did not even remember his stories. We miss him now and it is too late for him, but I hope one day soon we will find the cure or know how to prevent this disease. Thinking about you and your Mother. I am glad you have helpers. What you do for her is so much better than any institution can do.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lorinda, for your wonderful comment! I really appreciate it. Love to hear about other peoples' experiences with Dementia. It is a cruel disease; however, I think cancer is worse. My Dad died of it only 90 days after it was discovered in his lung. He never smoked, but worked in the days when everyone else in the office did smoke.
DeleteHugs, Joy